Feeling Left Out Again...

At the end of February of last year I got a phone call from my sister informing me that our mother (then aged 84) had suffered a major stroke and had been admitted to Addenbrooke's stroke ward, in Cambridge.

As I've already discussed, I felt immense sorrow and regret over not seeing my father before he died. So when my sister offered to pay for my ticket over to the UK to see our mother I jumped at the chance.

I put my life on hold for the next eight weeks and looked after my mother's every whim and need. It was a very stressful time in my life, without even taking into account things that were happening back in Belgium! That is a story for another day...

Then in November of last year my mother rang me up and announced that my son would be staying at University to study over the Christmas period. This bombshell left me feeling lower than low at a time in my life when I was already down in the dumps.

Eventually, I rang up my son only to find out that my mother wanted him to come and pick her up at home, take her over to Italy - where my sister and her family live - then return to Italy and take her back over to the UK. Now this vital piece of information, for what ever reason, my mother had withheld!

So we both agreed that he (my son) would come over to Brussels and spend the Christmas holidays with me, his godmother and our friends. Anyway, after talking to my sister it was agreed that we would all spend Christmas in Italy with her and her family... From my point of view we all had a good time but obviously something about this arrangement didn't sit well with my mother!

Now fast forward to last week, and yet another phone call from my mother letting me know that she was off to Italy, and yes you guessed it, once again she wanted my son to come and pick her up and take her over. Only this time my son would be spending a week in Italy before starting his summer job in London.

When I pointed out that had I have known I would have booked myself a ticket to Italy so that I could spend some time with my son she responded that she thought I was saving up to go to Sierra Leon (Africa) later this year. In that moment I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart, so I hung up on her.

I can't help but feeling that she orchestrated the whole thing so that I would not be able to come over. Why do I think this? This time around she dropped her bombshell two days before their departure, knowing full well that I would never find a cheap ticket or for that matter someone to come and look after my cats...

When it comes to my mother I perpetually feel like I'm all dressed up for the party, but never get the invitation. Furthermore, I hate the fact that the woman can still reduce me to tears!

DS Is For A Virtual Community...

I believe that a group of people or community can create an environment for change... The more we Stand Up for what we believe in, the more chances we have of being noticed as a Community, especially when it comes to Mental Health issues. The more we are noticed as a Community, the more chances we have of being heard as One Voice. The more we are heard as One Voice, the more chances we have of stopping the stigma unjustly attached to Mental Health...

So to that end I'm going to write about an online community that I am both a member of and a Sponsor. Dopamine Stream is a safe virtual community - set up for Mental Health sufferers by Mental Health sufferers - where you can be heard without judgement. We are an open-minded mixing pot of Mental Health sufferers and some Mental Health professionals, all with a common goal to see the system change when it comes to Mental Health and any issues associated with it.

We understand just how hard it can be sometimes to open up to the people closest to you. This, unfortunately, holds especially true when it come to our Mental Health. As a group of people, we are uniquely placed to understand where you are coming from and what you are going through, as we have been there ourselves. Sometimes it is easy to be honest and frank with a stranger then someone you know, and that is what your allocated sponsor it there for!

All our sponsors are volunteers and either suffer from - and have found a balance - or have suffered from Mental Health issues. We are always on the look out for volunteers to join us, so if you're a medical professional or a survivor of Mental Health issues and would like to give back by joining our ranks of sponsors we would love to hear from you. Even if you only have a couple of hours a week of your time to volunteer, every little bit counts...

So Come & Join Us @ Dopamine Stream..

Stop The Stigma, Spread The Word!

Like me, if you feel strongly about stopping the stigma attached to Mental Illness, and the way many of us are treated in society, here are some things that you can do...

1. Enlighten others on the subject;
2. Start a blog if you don't already have one;
3. To gather momentum and followers try some or all of the following:
   1. Join the Ultimate Blog Challenge, starting 1st July, to encourage you to write everyday;
   2. Join the Stand Up For Mental Health Campaign and display their button on your blog or website. You can also download their banners for Facebook, google Plus and a whole host of others, and display them on your Social Networking sites;
   3. Join the Blog for Mental Health Campaign and get on The Canvas of the Minds Blogroll;
   4. Join the Mental Health Writers' Guild and display their button on your blog.

After all it is said that Sanity is just Insanity put to good use!

U Is For The Ultimate Blog Challenge

Just over a month ago, I came across this banner on a blog I was reading and thought that I should try it. Now what was I going to write about? That was the big question, and like most people who enjoy writing I'd heard the adage about writing what you know, but what if what you know best is depression?

After all, I'd spent 10 years of my adult life battling this debilitating illness, crying for no apparent reason and willing myself, unsuccessfully I might add, out of the safety of my bed. I'd been evicted from my home, let the bills pile up unopened, had the bailiffs knocking on my door all because I simply couldn't face the world and the challenges it was throwing at me.

I had a lot to say on depression and what it had done to me, but was that enough? It was a good thing that since the beginning of the year I'd noticed a distinct improvement to my once gloomy disposition. With the help of a great doctor, who had finally found the right combination of anti-depressants for me, things were looking up.

On top of knowing the subject matter inside out - so to speak - I could also offer hope to the countless others out there going through what I'd been through, and I felt that that was important. If I could help people avoid the mistakes I'd made, perhaps even make a difference in just one person’s life that would be enough.

I set about getting a blog and writing my very first post. In the back of my mind I kept thinking if this doesn’t go well I can always stop, but the feedback I started to get, from people all over the world, was incredible. A real boost to my damaged self-confidence and this only encouraged me to keep writing. I’m so glad that I took up the challenge and started this blog, as the experience has been great!

J Is For The Journey Of Life

As the late, great John Lennon once sang 'life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans'. We can't control every little thing no matter how hard we try but part of the thrill of life is those unexpected twists and turns. You start on one course and end up on a very different one...

I know my life hasn't always gone as planned, but that journey has taken me to places I may never have visited of my own free volition. I never planned to succumb to depression - well let’s face it no one would - but that journey lead me to discover so much about myself. It is now very much a part of what makes me, me!

In all likelihood, I would have never started this blog or met some of the incredible people who have inspired me to keep writing. Looking back on my journey to date, some of the most memorable times in my life were the unplanned ones, the ones that just came about.

So for today, I'm happy to be me and to have friends who accept me for who I am. I now look forward to tomorrow and all that it may bring, like a blank page in a notebook waiting to be filled...

R Is For The Road To Recovery...

These last ten years have been very intense for me...

There were times when it felt like I'd moved forward two-steps only to jump back 15, but the one important thing to remember, for anyone out there going through a tough time, is I never gave up. There were times when everything seemed insurmountable, almost impossible, but with perseverance and patience, a way forward did become clear.

These days, I try not to spread myself too thin and only tackle one problem at a time, easier said than done sometimes. It is easy to slip back into old ways, but that is what led me down the dark and twisty road of depression in the first place. I now know that stress is my mortal enemy, and I avoid it like a hole in the head.

Five months ago, I took up Ashtanga yoga, which has helped me no end and I would recommend it to anyone dealing with enormous amounts of stress in their day-to-day lives. Furthermore, I use to have to visit my osteopath at least twice a year to get rid of all the knots and kinks in my back. Since starting yoga all my back problems have disappeared and I've regained the suppleness, I had in my twenties.

On a very different note, this weekend is the Jazz Marathon in Brussels. Two of my dearest friends will be doing their thing and I’m really looking forward to cheering them on. They have both been such a huge part of my life, and their encouragement and support throughout my ordeal have kept me relatively sane. Well, as I’ve said before I was never 100% sane to begin with and that’s okay!